'She started commenting on how similar my babies chubby cheeks are to mine': Mother-in-law fat-shames new mom 5 months postpartum, compares her weight loss to her own

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 9, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

There are three things you should never bring up with mixed company: politics, religion, and weight. I know this might be a controversial opinion, but I don't think that it's appropriate to comment on someone else's body, whether they're a stranger or a family member. Of course, there are specific circumstances where that doesn't apply. If you're wasting away or eating so much you can barely climb the stairs, family and friends should acknowledge it to support you in becoming healthier. There are many more situations where it's totally out of line to mention if someone has gained a couple of pounds. These situations include but are not limited to, having a baby. If you can't imagine ever pressuring a woman who is five months postpartum into losing weight, then you're not this Redditor's mother-in-law. She not only made sly comments about her weight but also compared her postpartum weight loss to her son's wife. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Additional-Tough1220 • 11h AITA for refusing to visit my MIL after she fat shamed me following the birth of my baby?
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 02
    1 (26f) and my husband (26m) just welcomed our first baby a few months ago. Him and I are overjoyed and I am so in love with our tiny bundle. My family has been super supportive, bringing us dinners and making sure we had time for napping while we adjusted to parent life.
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 03
    My husband's family is different from mine in a lot of ways. They didn't want to visit us and only wanted us to come to them (they live about 20 minutes away) and didn't really care to offer much for support following the birth. We were fine with it and brought our baby over when we were able to - around 3 times a month.
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 04
    After the first month, my MIL began commenting about how much she prioritized "losing the baby weight" after she had her first baby. At first I didn't think anything of it, I thought she was just voicing her experience as many people do when they are around babies. She then started commenting on my babies chubby cheeks, and how similar they are to mine. I felt a bit hurt but let it slide once again. The
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 05
    final straw was when my husband was talking to her casually about my wanting to start going on runs again and how we were planning on making it work since our baby is very attached to me. She very loudly said "you're thinking about trying to run? Shouldn't you start with walking?" His whole family was in the room and looked at me waiting for my answer. I am an avid runner who only stopped due to my pregnancy, and her comment really hurt.
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 06
    When I was a teenager I had a really bad eating disorder, one that I am still struggling with. Comments on my body or physical abilities are hurtful to hear, and she is someone who I knew talked about peoples bodies behind their backs, but I didn't think she would be so mean to my face. I am not skinny by any means, but live a healthy and active lifestyle so weight should not be my concern.
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 07
    This is where I feel like the 1. I don't want to about see her anymore. She makes me feel like myself and my husband is backing me up 100%. His mom is angry because she thinks we are just keeping her grandchild away from her and believes it is unfair. He goes there without me but it is difficult to take our baby because she is exclusively breastfed and refuses bottles of any kind. AITA?
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 08
    EDIT: After reading the first few comments I realize that I left out some info. I am currently 5 months postpartum and have been fully cleared by my doctor to begin my running regiment.
    via u/Additional-Tough1220
  • 09
    tessherelurkingnow • 10h Partassipant [1] NTA. Commenting on the weight of someone who just had a baby is an incredible one asked her. move, no Reply 6.3k
    via u/tessherelurkingnow
  • 10
    Flalalalalalala • 10h Enthusiast [5] Commenting on someones weight in general is an move. Just mind your own business. ✩ 4k 4k
    via u/Flalalalalalala
  • 11
    haleorshine • 9h Right, like if OP hadn't had a baby and she'd decided she didn't want to see her MIL because she'd made multiple comments about her weight, that would still make her NTA. The fact that she's just had a baby makes the MIL so aggressively TA it's almost comical. Also, who the insists on people with newborns coming to visit instead of going to them? OP isn't keeping her baby from her in- laws, they could come for a visit while OP stays away from her monster-in-law, and leave when t
    via u/haleorshine
  • 12
    irrelephantIVXX. 8h I was thinking the same thing. My brother lives a couple hours away, and the visit difference from any of us traveling there to them coming up here isn't even close in comparison. Not that anyone complains about going down there. Especially since they just had number 4. ... 73 д
    via u/irrelephantIVXX
  • 13
    Acrobatic_Contact_12.9h It's a common thing that the older generation does. My wife's grandfather always comments on my weight. Got sick off it and told him at least I can fix my problem unlike your problem of being a to everyone. I did this in front of at least 8 family members. Been five years now and he hasn't done it again. I've lost weight and he's still an Sometimes you just need to knock people off that high horse. 390
    via u/Acrobatic_Contact_12
  • 14
    notthedefaultname • 7h I have plenty of older family that's never commented on my weight. Don't use age to excuse toxic behavior. ... 168
    via u/notthedefaultname
  • 15
    sael_nenya ⚫ 4h I agree. As someone who has been on the receiving end of "Don't take it to heart, they're old they can't change" and "Don't take it to heart, they're young and don't know any better". I've been victim blamed all my life, and nowadays I've taken to educate others on what's just toxic behaviour. Anyone can be an Anyone can be an enabler (bc it's easier than dealing with it). It is okay to walk away. From both. 53
    via u/sael_nenya
  • 16
    Halcyon_october 4h My MIL (75) watchs me eat and constantly tells me I eat so slow I shouldn't be so fat. I've loudly said before, especially for the benefit of my stepdaughter, that there are much worse things than being fat, like being ignorant and
    via u/Halcyon_october
  • 17
    Luke-Waum-5846 • 10h NTA, it is completely your choice to avoid someone who makes you feel bad about your body. Her intentions are not relevant, and it doesn't matter if her actions are small in the context of you having had and are managing your ED. She is being very selfish and inconsiderate. Perhaps she isn't aware of the seriousness of her behaviour. This absolutely isn't on you, but perhaps your husband could remind her what triggers are and that she needs to be more considerate to keep the
    via u/Luke-Waum-5846
  • 18
    Vtbsk_1887 • 10h NTA. Your mother in law is horrible. She will 100% say the same things about your kid in a few years. I am sorry you are going through that, especially since you had an eating disorder. Reply 563
    via u/Vtbsk_1887
  • 19
    Thrwwy747.5h Enthusiast [9] She will 100% say the same things about your kid in a few years. Exactly! And if your child/ren themselves aren't heavy enough to become her focus, they'll still be privy to her attitude. They'll leave how shameful it. is to be any larger than your MIL sees as acceptable. They might never even verbalise it, but that bias will be there. 119
    via u/Thrwwy747
  • 20
    Arrowmatic 4h • Talking about the baby's 'chubby cheeks', sounds like she already is. ... ✩ 41
    via u/Arrowmatic
  • 21
    Relative Market2870 10h • NTA. You have no right to a baby, but ESPECIALLY if you don't respect the parents. And this isn't about you not wanting to see her anymore. This should be your husband insisting that your MIL has no right to see any of you until she has apologized to YOU; an incredible person, his wife and the mother of his child Reply 248
    via u/RelativeMarket2870
  • 22
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weight loss Babies aita baby fat weight Fat Shaming mother reddit story parents in law in laws mother in law reddit thread Reddit grandmother mom postpartum
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